when it's over

it's not really over. still must finish [way] overdue assignment. then portfolio. then job search. then purge all this crap i brought home from studio and all this crap i've been accumulating and my overzealous files filled with crap i don't need to keep (especially since i have PDFs of a lot of it, too). can summer start already?

but i can sit at home and in my PJs all day while doing all of the above. for now. which is awesome.

random, current thoughts:

• i am exhuasted. still. i've been sleeping pretty well and a lot for the past week. dr. maas was right in psych 101. you can never make up for sleep debt.
  
• bear loves me. i love the bear.
• tonight, i had yogurtland. and newcastle. happy potato.
• i really want a puppy. but i really don't. because we'd be violating the lease of this cute (if musty) bungalow. because i'd be a horrible dog mom. because, quite frankly, i don't want the responsibility of caring for another living thing right now. i can barely care for myself. luckily, the bear is a self-sufficient adult.
• we have two weddings this summer! yay! it's been a local wedding drought up in the potatobear household for awhile. i love weddings. still.
• i still feel shitty about myself and don't love me that much. this past school year has taken a big toll on my self-image and confidence. just when i was finally starting to "peer inside yourself/you take the things you like/and try to love the things you don't" (thanks, regina) starting from my mid-twenties.
  
• by the way...how did late twenties and thirty-really-soon creep up on me so fast? probably while i was so obsessed with schoolwork i wasn't looking.
  
• but the bear loves me. my friends love me. even if i'm not on super fantabulous terms with my family right now, they love me. and i love them all. and will be able to love them all better soon...once i can love me again.
• i miss blogging.
• i miss really cooking/baking.
• i need to exercise this summer. like really this time, not just the last 2-3 weeks of it.
• i was gonna blog my toronto field trip. but i only have photos of buildings. and food. not many of people. oops.
• i want to travel to far away places. badly. but can't.
• forgot how nice low-key days just sitting at home with the bear can be. even if it makes us old farts.
• tired. bedtime.
  

so you know

how women in new york sometimes carry tennis shoes to change into from their heels for the commute?

well i carry sweatpants to change into to make the long nights much more bearable and comfortable.

that is all.

running

blah. but i'm squishy. and at my max. weight again. and my pants don't fit. wah wah wah.

meet my nike+ avatar. she's cute.

she also has no eyes. like me!

so today i ran. well actually, i mostly walked. you know how some people complain about how they're REALLY slow, not runners, etc? then they go and run 1.5 miles at an average 11-minute mile the FIRST day they try. or they run like 4 or 5 miles the first day. well, i'm really not a runner. like REALLY.

even she says so.

"i've turned into a couch potato! i need to run!"

i ran/walked a 15-minute mile for 2.31 miles in something pathetic like 32 minutes today. see? i'm really not a runner. after a 2-minute brisk walking warmup, i could only run for about 5 minutes before my chest felt like it was on fire and going to burst. out. of. shape.

i really want to use the nike+ coach programs to keep me motivated, but once school starts (in less than a week!!!), all bets are off.

caught up

on top chef, that is. not the rest of life.

the sad thing is it reminds me a lot of school now and stresses me out a bit to watch it. school would make a great reality show, except no one would understand anything we talk about.

oh, and i'm so jennifer, by the way. in so many ways. however, she's probably a lot better at her craft than i am at mine, considering she's an executive chef for eric ripert, and i can't even get an internship.

i'm working on the not freaking out, not doubting myself, and knowing i'll somehow deliver at the real end even if i lose a couple quickfire challenges here and there (due mostly to said self-doubt and freaking out) this semester. really.

summer goals

i have exactly one week left until school starts. my schedule this upcoming semester sucks. *whine whine whine* i'll just have to enjoy this last week the best i can.

so about those summer goals i had...

FAIL:

• find an internship.
  i sent out close to 20 resumes. i got one interview. for an unpaid internship. it did not pan out.
• teach myself some software so i won't be as frantic trying to learn as i go this coming semester.
  i maybe watched one tutorial. i did not follow along as i watched.
• use the laser cutter and leftover school materials to make some personal stationery and cards.
  i thought about it a lot, but i didn't even sketch it.
• plant some herbs in pots for the porch/yard.
  mother bear gave us some potted thai chili plants this weekend. the bear is taking care of them.
• draw and paint for fun.
  nope.
• clean regularly.
  ha. i did clean, but not regularly. and we even hired someone to clean the new place when we moved in. heh.
• exercise.
  i didn't get my butt in gear until a couple of weeks ago. and i'm now only averaging about 2-3 times a week.
• read some school-related stuff including headache-inducing but brain-stimulating theory.
  besides skimming blogs, nope.
  

in-progress/might be accomplished within the next week:

• organize music library (rip all CDs, edit all ID3 tags and obtain album art, figure out what to load on the ipod nano vs. the iphone).
  tedium ad nauseum. if i had a personal assistant as anal as i am, i would definitely add this to his/her list.
  
• organize computer files (between all three), back stuff up onto multiple external hard drives, give the bear a list of folders for auto backup so he can setup my auto backups.
  another task for my imaginary assistant.
  
• make progress on never ending freelance project.
  i did make decent progress but not as much as i wanted to.
  

done:

• take a photo class.
  fun!
  
• streamline email accounts and clean up saved email.
  we'll see if i can maintain it during the school year, though.
• get a haircut.
• read for fun.
  on top of the ones i wrote about earlier this summer, i have since also finished michael pollan's in defense of food and am now reading the omnivore's dilemma.
• bake a cake.
  baked a few, tyvm.
  
• cook most weeknights and eat with the bear.
• hang out with the bear.
  so much that i think he might be sick of me being home all the time. we both like having alone time and space. but he'll miss me soon enough.
  
• sleep.
  this one i did a lot of.

done + in-progress > FAIL. at least if you just count the bullets. yay! i win!

meet the new addition to our family

don't worry, it's not a child. as if. trust me, you do not want to see a child gestated in an architecture student's body.

meet...james brown.

[ignore the moving boxes and general state of disarray.
and crappy iphone pic.
please and thank you.]

yeah, klippan was with us at our wedding and has seen us through most of the first two years of our marriage. he's somewhat comfy, was a decent deal, and has kept the bear company many a lonely night while i was slaving away in studio.
however, he only seats two upright adults comfortably and was aging pretty quickly--wrinkles, fraying and unmanageable moustache/ear hair/chest hair/back hair/nose hair, liver spots on his skin that would fade after some treatment but come back, and other typical signs of aging. so we, well, we abandoned him at the old place when we moved. wait. before crying, "senior abuse," listen. our old landlord promised he'd find a good home for him. after all, the aging is only skin deep. some new skin, and he'll pull a benjamin button right before your very eyes. we just didn't have room for him with the new addition--the new place is definitely not big enough for the both of them.

while searching for a new place, we also kept coming across this same, two-tone bargain sofa. i totally was not attracted to it. at all. but the bear had a great point. we would not be able to find upholstery that seated this many for this cheap. PLUS it included an ottoman. many showrooms were hawking this two-toned guy, but the one that caught our eye (because it was about 20% cheaper than the next lowest price) was calling him "james brown."

i really resisted at first because he was so not physically attractive to me, but i gotta admit that when cuddling at night with james brown, i feel good, and i knew that i would. when i think about the number of people we can seat and the entertaining we can do with james' help, i feel nice, like sugar and spice. i feel good! so good! i feel good!

i was really very anti the two-tone, two-textured...and UGH so dark and so brown and not really our style! but the bear had good points. this is not our forever sofa (don't tell james that). we will not feel too horrible if it gets a little banged up in future moves, since we are nowhere near settling permanently into a place. it had an oh-so-comfy chaise and ottoman (i even got the bear to pronounce chaise with the correct french pronunciation). well, i guess sometimes this is a man's world, after all. or you've at least got to let them think so. ;)

"so what does james think, and how does he like his new home?" you ask? well, considering he survived the perilous pacific on a boat, he just says he's happy to be here safely and livin' in america!

---

not too long after we bought the sofa (and had already started cracking numerous jokes borrowing from his lyrics), we found this gem on youtube:

---

oh, and since i forgot to tell you all about unique los angeles before i went last time, here's a heads up for something happening in the same place this coming weekend--renegade craft fair. even better, admission is FREE! i...won't be going as i've had other things planned for this weekend. but i'm letting you know! so go! enjoy crafty goodness for me!

takin' it back

for various reasons lately, i've been feeling a bit insecurrr despite the fact that the concept of school seems so securrr. ha. anyway, no worries. i should snap out of it soon. overall, i'm pretty secure in who i am and know myself, good and bad parts, pretty well. or so i like to think. however, yes, circumstances can get me down. i may come off quite confident or even overconfident most of the time, but man i promise i'm so self-conscious--that's why you always see me with at least one of my watches [or actually, one of weemo's watches, i should say.]

alright, enough with the kanye lyrics. last night, i was cleaning out my old photos/cards/letters/misc. sentimental crap boxes and came across some baby photos that made me feel a little bit better about myself. to be 100% objective, i wasn't the cutest baby. i looked like a boy, i had crazy, crazy hair, hardly any nose, and small eyes. my saving grace? i was F-A-T FAT FAT FAT! the most comforting thing about these photos? seeing that some things, namely who i am, never change. yes, i age and grow, but who i am is who i am. and there's always room for even more growth and change, hopefully of the good variety. yeah, i don't know what i'm blabbering about, either. here's some photographic evidence.

some of my favorite things then AND now:

sleep.
doesn't matter where.

silence/blocking out unnecessary noise.

myself.

eating.
even when i don't have teeth.

waiting to be fed.

eating some more.

since we're takin' it back, i thought i'd scan these before tossing 'em in the recycling bin. they were postcards from the local 7-eleven in korea that my brother and i would visit almost daily with our cousins back when we visited in around 1992, i think.
please don't ask me about their fashion and coiffure choices. i have no answers. i have no words, even, when looking at these. well, they did somehow revolutionze k-pop despite (because of?) those choices.

oh, and please please say my baby face is cuter than seo taiji's baby face. like i said, i wasn't that cute, but look at those cheeks! cheeks!!! after all, i am feeling insecure. boost my self-confidence, if you so desire. ;)

la-z-tater

really, i have zero motivation these days. i don't wanna do anything at all except sit and surf the internet all day long. even when on the internet, i have zero motivation to participate. blankly stare at stuff? yes. window shop? yes. read blogs? yes. actually blog? no. post thoughtful comments on others' blogs? not really. actually buy things? no. the only reason i'm blogging right now? because i'd rather blog than pack. pack?

YAY!
we're moving. the current place is cheap, we like our landlord, and it's met most of our needs. however, there are cons about it that finally drove us to casually search craigslist.

boo.
i hate moving. HATE. i am so grumpy no matter what i do to try to trick myself into making moving tasks fun. the bear and i fight a lot during it. i love purging, but the awesome high from purging only lasts 1/2 a second. then i'm back to grumpy potato with constant black cloud over her head until everything is moved and in its new place.

YAY!
the new place meets almost all of our needs/wants.

• detached house (although there is another house in the back of the property, it's a yard and driveway away).
  
• separate bedrooms (so i can work in the office all night long while the bear sleeps, unlike in our current place that has no real walls).
  
• 2-car garage with lots of storage.
• our own washer and dryer.
  
• utilities included in rent.
  
• quiet neighborhood that is less ghetto than our current one and doesn't have fire trucks roaring up and down it every hour on the hour all throughout the night.
  
• little, private yard big enough for a BBQ and space to grow some peppers and herbs (which i will probably kill pretty quickly).
  
• it's a mini, cute craftsman bungalow with what realtors (and craigslist posters) like to call character. there is plenty of storage.
• fits our budget.
• so-far-so-good landlords.
• wood floors in the living room.
  
• new fridge, new stove, new washer/dryer.
  

boo.

• "lots of character" = it's old.
  
• the master bedroom closet is weirdly configured and on the small side. see first bullet point in this section.
  
• the cabinets are old and musty. anyone want to come clean and deodorize/de-mustify them for us? so far, my friend google has advised scoring the super old contact paper then pouring coke on to dissolve the adhesive, then washing the shelves (i'll definitely re-cover with contact paper just in case AND put that grippy shelf liner stuff in, too). google advised that i then put activated, non-self-starting charcoal in to absorb all the mustiness. blergh. getting grossed out thinking about doing all that. i don't even know if all the shelves can come out.
• i don't love the "designer" paint color, and even if we can re-paint, i'm too lazy to do so.
• the kitchen is a decent size, but its configuration and counter space are lacking. i think a commercial, stainless steel work table will solve that, though. we looked at a few today, and i'll look at a few more this week on the westside and in sgv. they alllooksame but are not all created the same.

so today, we shopped 'til i dropped for the new place. i don't know how i used to do this as part of my job.

first, we hit up a few kitchen supply stores to check out their work tables. if you are or know someone just moving out, send them to chefs' toys to outfit their kitchen. forget ikea/target/walmart/kmart. you can get commercial, well-priced kitchenware including dishes, glasses, martini shakers, bakeware, etc. the bear and i wished we had known about kitchen supply stores when we were just starting out. you can buy a dozen melamine noodle bowls for $5.60 (instead of $3 each at 99 ranch) to eat all your ramen in. it's more no frills, and it's more about the equipment (the bear and i drooled over the giant convection ovens and deep fryers) and less (actually no) food products than surfas. they also have a used/consignment area for commercial kitchen equipment like those mixers with bowls i could take a bath in and one work table that didn't have adjustable feet and was wobbly. pass.

we then dropped by restaurant depot but left upon encountering the "not open to the public" sign. boo.

we liked the quality and price of the work tables at 2000 plus better than those at chefs' toys. the service was more personalized service, too, as it's smaller but still well-stocked. the bear steered me away from dawdling too long and walking up and down every aisle like i wanted, unfortunately.

we then went sofa shopping. ugh. that is all i have to say about that. our ikea sofa is kaput after 2 years already. one day, i will have a more permanent place so i can save up for decent upholstery and hopefully won't be moving every couple of years so that i can buy nicer furniture without fear of it getting too beat up from frequent moves. let's just say as soon as we walked into la-z-boy, we walked back out again (although it did give me inspiration for the title of this post). i also saw way too many ugly recliners, and the bear enjoyed sitting in them way too much. ew.

oh yeah, and we enjoyed a nice brunch with boba and boba bf this morning. we went to starling diner in belmont heights. cute, country french-ish decor. cheap beer and wine specials. healthier takes on comfort food-ish breakfast and lunch with really fresh ingredients. the bear even enjoyed his vegetarian lentil soup that was packed with flavor from lots of spices and fresh veggies, and he is usually anti-veggie. biodegradable midget cups for water made of corn. some sidewalk seating outside for groups of 2-3 if you prefer eating al fresco.


motto


cute and clean inside


$3 beer special
a hoppy belgian ale with a creamy, sweet finish with hints of caramel
(yeah, i just BS'ed that. i know nothing about beer.)


corn cup


the bear's french pizzette.
dangit, it's not on the online menu, and i don't remember which one.
(a pizzette (mini pizza! mini!) on french bread. get it? boba figured that one out for us.)


boba's dish
their take on eggs benedict w/ smoked salmon and spinach, no english muffin.
my bite was good.


boba BF's pot roast scramble


MY broiled san francisco stuffed toast with fresh seasonal berries.
a baguette stuffed with sweetened mascarpone, dipped in custard,
broiled, then topped with a vanilla sauce, powdered sugar, fresh berries,
and fresh whipped cream.
yeah, you can't go wrong with baguette + cheese + berries.


the after

i guess i did feel like blogging after all judging from all the brain barf above. thanks for sticking with me, if you're still reading.

focal point

practicing manually shifting my focal points + locking in on one then re-framing the shot.

shutter speed: 1/1000
aperture: f5.3
ISO: 100
focal point: the chain link fence

shutter speed: 1/1000
aperture: f5.3
ISO: 100
focal point: the tallest building in the center

focal point: the chain link fence

focal point: the pretty (?) weed

excuse the noise (graininess) on the weed series. i forgot to change my super high ISO back after taking some homework shots.

not homework for class, but an assignment i gave myself. i'll post homework photos later.

this housewife needs a kick in the pants. so unmotivated to clean, especially since we might be moving soon (keep your fingers crossed, please). at least i finally got groceries and have grand plans to cook up a storm. and where did i buy all those groceries? i'm glad you asked.

c'mon! it's even set to the tune of one of my bossa nova faves.

not-so-SAHW

school's done, but i'm still busy. mostly from shuttling between the miscellaneous part-time jobs and sitting at my desk at home attempting to work on my portfolios (yes, plural--job and school, they must be approached differently and shouldn't be the same...meh). here's my first week "off."

monday
worked at the school job.
continued to clean out my studio space.
built the below for the bear in the woodshop.
napped.
did not cook, clean, or do anything else housewifely.

the bear "tagged" 'em.
don't ask about the pink shirt guy.

in action.

tuesday
picked up the snowboard waxing stand thingys from the woodshop, as i had to clamp them overnight.
did target, home depot, etc. errands + shopping.
finished cleaning out the studio.
piled studio stuff up in a corner of the potatobear lair.
glared at the pile of stuff cluttering up the lair. i hate clutter.
cooked an easy dinner. i can never have enough mapo tofu.
the bear made a thai dessert.
napped.
did some work for the old boss from home.

we like it extra spicy.

that's frozen roti. yum.

no worries. we did not thraw [sic] before cooking.

pale, uninteresting dough

to fluffy, golden, flakey goodness.




bear can flip stuff in a pan.
klutzy me cannot.

swirl o' condensed milk goodness.
(you can always put more on).

roll.

chomp.

so unflattering.
so delicious.

wednesday
ran errands or something.
sent out a couple resumes.
started thinking about the portfolio. meh.
grocery shopped. again. apparently, i've been deprived. for months.
did not nap.
cooked a DEElicious dinner. finally. because the bear's been having a busy, tough time at work this week.

the makings of chimichurri

roasted asparagus

oh, red meat!

oh, fond!

spaghetti tossed in chimichurri.
toopped with asparagus.
and tender, medium rare steak.

dessert.
trader joe's "super sweet strawberries"
that are quite fragrant and...sweet.
eee! mini colander!

thursday
baked.
worked at school job.
no time for nap.
did more work for old boss from empty, dark studio. yay for laptop.
steve buschemi (not really)'s birthday party at ziggy's house.

i made a chocolate croissant bread pudding for the birthday boy.
he already had two cakes, though.
one of which was sweet lady jane's amazing
triple berry shortcake.

SB(NR)'s fiancee is an artist/photographer.
her friend brought an old polaroid camera.
hammy antics enused.

random family portrait on the mantle
and too risque photo blurred.
my fave is the canadian-something's passport photos.

poor ziggy didn't know what to do with himself.
but was just as chill as ever.

friday
went to optometrist.
got my brows did. finally. buuuushy.
got car washed.
thought about portfolio a little bit more.
blogged.
thought about taking out trash.
trying (still) to wrap up work for old boss.

next week, i really need to stay at home and buckle down on the whole portfolio thing (we have to submit a portfolio in 3 weeks of all our work thus far in order to continue on in the program) and internship search thing. but for now, i think i'll take a nap. just a quick one. after all, those eyeball numbing drops they put in at the optometrist are making my eyelids so, so heavy.