bye bye 2010 / san francisco, again

i started new year's eve quite grumpily. i finally woke up feeling human again after two days of being sick to my stomach with i-still-don't-know-what. we had a nice couple of days in vegas with some friends who were visiting from seattle, but we all got sick while there in one form or another. because of the two days of laying around and groaning in pain, i'm way behind schedule on this portfolio that's due monday (it's already going to be late, but i had a doable plan b. it's now potentially onto plan c). i still have no idea what i'm going to write for my first-pass thesis that's due next week, and who knows if i'll even have time to do it if this portfolio-making stretches on. and i woke up this morning because my phone notified me of an email. from my part-time job. saying they need something done by monday. which will put me even further behind on this portfolio-making. and then...you get the idea.

and while 2010 was a whole lot better than 2009, it's still been a tough year. and i was just feeling a bit sad overall. to the point where i started tearing up while laughing really hard while watching an episode of modern family with the bear. emo, much?

and then i started getting down on myself because i am just not one of those people that is always happy, optimistic, and generally in a good mood even when life sucks. and wondered why i can't be one of those people naturally. i know i can eventually with a lot of work, but it's not my nature.

but then i read something that both shamed and encouraged me at the same time about just that.

and then the bear and i fought. probably mostly because i was so grumpy. and made up. and he was so sweet about it and trying to make me happy afterward.

and then my twirlies (online and IRL friends that keep up daily via twitter) started listing their 2010 highlights.

and then i gave myself a break from the portfolio to reflect a little and blog.

and that was that.

2010 wasn't great, but it was good. it was tough. really tough. but in the end, what's tough is what's memorable and worth fighting for, right? and despite the hard stuff, i have so much to be thankful for.

like this mini vacation the bear and i took, um 6 months ago!

---

the ferry building.

where we feasted mostly with the eyes.

because our bellies were full.

and about to be filled with restaurant-week, michelin-starred food.

(not that good.

i can't even remember the name of place we ate.)

so sweet.

so tart.

so red.

the bear said i should wear the brown shirt.

ha.

ugh. heath ceramics.

in three of my favorite colors.

so cute.

what's in the cute cooler, you ask?

tasty. salted. pig. parts.

yum.

no, i didn't try the salumi cone.

so stinky in here.

stinks so good.

the bear had to get out.

so bustling.

on farmer's market day.

we indulged in a lot of deliclous [sic] dim sum while here.

although not here. i just took a picture here.

yes, we know LA's dim sum is better and cheaper.

but we did the $1/steamer, super hole-in-the wall,

to-go-by-default (1 table in the tiny place),

eaten-in-the-hotel-room (while pretending it was room service)

version.

yes, i know there are places like this in LA chinatown

not too far from my school. and the sgv.

but doing it in SF, in our hotel room

made it way more fun.

speaking of our hotel...

yes, it was a chain.

yes, it's an older hotel.

no, it wasn't in/near union square.

but we thought it was fab for the price.

and its location was fine for us.

many are put off by its exterior, brutalist stylings.

but not us. i heart brutalism.

(but probably not the brutalism you're thinking of).

and look at the interior!

you fancy, huh elevators contrast with the concrete.

light streams in from above throughout the atrium.

and the atrium is definitely grand.

as all good atria should be.

i promise i didn't drink much while there.

maybe i was trying to be sugimoto?

why are sea lions so fun to watch?

the bear and i tried to rush past the crowds.

despite the clear, blue skies.

it was freezing.

and windy.

typical bay area trick on the socal-ers.

but.

we got sucked in.

and even climbed up on something for a better view.

and watched their antics for a long time.

happy 20th anniversary at the pier, whiskered ones!

see those korean tourists on that stoop?

yeah, tourists.

no, that's not their stoop.

yeah, they're sitting there

waiting

so they can take photos of the trolley

as it's being turned.

this could have been a cute photo.

sans cars.

charcoal grey shingles!

crisp white trim!

bright, red-orange doors!

meant to go see nervi's st. mary's cathedral.

ended up at grace cathedral instead.

still beautiful.

just in a very different way.

inside,
they were taking photos of couples

that had been married over 30 years.

maybe one day,

that'll be the bear and me.

that'd be awesome.

and of course did some window shopping

in union square.

no photo, but my favorite memory.

is the bear taking me out for ramen

somewhere near union square.

late, late at night.

because i was complaining that

we were an old, boring, married couple.

despite the aggressive bum we encountered on our way.

who complained about how little the handful of change

we gave him

added up to.

really?!?

oh, and the poo the bear stepped in somewhere in chinatown.

while dropping me off in line

to get my beloved dan tat.

yes, i said poo.

no, we couldn't get it out

from between the treads on his shoes.

yes, we had to replace the shoes.

but the dan tats were as delicious as ever.

bye bye, san francisco.

hello, 2011

buried under piles

first, piles of water. yes, it's stormwatch 2010 here in socal, but this time it's actually justified. it's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring, and all of that. no photo needed as you're either in it or have seen photos of it online.

second, virtual piles. i finally just marked everything as read in my google reader after half a day of trying to catch up. i've cleaned up my email and only have a few outstanding things to respond to. my inbox is back to manageable levels. whew.

next, portfolio pile (with a fun gift from my secret santa on top! :). and uh, my phone got thrown in that pile somehow, too). yes, it's winter break, no i do not get a real break. we have a gateway portfolio due on 1/3 (need to submit in order to continue on in the program). we start classes 1/10. we have another portfolio and a first pass at our thesis statements due 1/14. oh, and sometime before then we have to submit our real first pass at our thesis statements due online w/preferences for thesis prep advisors. as if thesis is not stressful enough, they've decided to start the stress early over the break before thesis prep even officially begins. yay! oh, and the email informing us of the thesis-related deadlines was sent right in the middle of finals. they really love us.

next, a pile of i don't even know what. in this, i found paper samples from french paper co. for the portfolio; a requisition for blood work (routine, no worries) from my primary care physician from oh, over 6 months ago; a few bills; and my notebook from my still-unfinished internship from over the the summer.

yikes. a pile of books i brought back from studio. no, they won't all fit on our shelves, although i tried. in the bevmo bag is a pile (external hard drive) 1 terabyte big that is almost full and needs to be sorted. in the foreground is a pile of drawings that i spent all day scanning yesterday and threw in the recycling bin this morning. whee!

pile in disguise. the one to the left just needs homes for the stuff in it. the orange box is seriously totally full of things "to be filed." but the cute photo of the bear and me on top, plus the happy orange with labels i have yet to write on hide this pile quite well. ;)

tower of magazines pile. this rainy weather is perfect for curling up on the couch with my slanket, some tea, and these magazines. too bad the other piles have priority. what does tater read, or eventually read years later, you ask? fast company, the atlantic, vogue, elle, interview, wired, and i forget what else. thank you, expiring airline miles, for this eclectic pile.

despite my pile of whining above, things are ok. another semester is finished, which means i am one semester closer to graduating. we have the means so that i can choose to study something i love, even if the process/journey is pretty damn difficult. the bear is awesome. our families are doing ok. i'm happier and less crazed than i was this time last year. and it's the holiday season!

ok, back to piledriving. unfortunately, it's not quite as fun as zangief makes it out to be.

take it easy 2010

my friend, the developer, was at a bar in koreatown a few months ago. she was with another friend. the developer set her purse on the ground as there was nowhere else to put it. her friend was smartly wearing a crossbody bag, so she could keep it on throughout their night out. a few minutes later, an older, asian woman (owner?) walks by, grabs her purse, hands it to her, and exclaims, "take it easy!!!"

the developer is surprised, takes her bag back, and starts to set it down on the floor again. when the bag was halfway down to the ground, the lady grabs her purse and exclaims once again, "take it easy!" the developer and her friend are quite baffled, feel like they may have committed some sort of faux pas against this woman's mother culture despite being the opposite of disruptive since their arrival, and return to their drinks.

not long after, the friend's boyfriend shows up. he sits down with the girls, casually draping his jacket over his chair. after some time has passed, the asian woman comes rushing at them again, grabbing his jacket, which has since somehow slipped to the floor, practically shouting, "take it easy!!!" it was then that my friends realized that they had a very different definition of "take it easy" than their hostess.

---

and why am i telling you this random, secondhand story? because that is my motto for 2010. take it easy. my friends' understanding of the phrase, that is, not the crazy asian lady's. it's not a resolution or a goal, because everything in my personality goes against this simple concept, so i am most definitely incapable of doing it on my own or achieving it to any sort of successful degree. plus it's not exactly quantifiable anyway.

the first half of 2009 was fine for me. i was doing well in school, enjoying my friends and family when i could manage to see them between all the schoolwork, and received some palpable recognition for my hard work. the second half was not so fine, and not just because of the added stresses or external circumstances that came along in that second half. it was mostly because i can't take it easy. i got in my own way even more than usual, which in turn hurt my grades, hurt my creative process, hurt my enjoyment of this amazing opportunity to attend grad school, hurt my productivity, and hurt some of my relationships. and so the majority of 2009 was so, so difficult and unhappy for me. hence my avoidance of any sort of reflection, even via blogging, throughout the year's end and even more than a week into the new year.

the other night, i finally had a good time of reflection while looking through old journal entries, especially those from during other stressful times in my life. i had a lot of good quotes, devotions, verses, prayers, and thoughts jotted down. i daresay me a few years ago is wiser than present me. while reading and praying, something that i could not understand in the midst of the stress, sleep-deprivation, and struggle, even if my brain knew it and kept telling me, became clear. i have been depending too much on me and consequently expecting way too much from myself. everything that's been driving me nuts stems from just that.

so i can't do it all on my own. and that's ok. in fact, it's normal. we're social creatures designed to need others.

and learning to take it easy. i've tried and tried before as my journal reminded me. it's obvious i can't do it on my own. i need the help of the bear (who has been so patient and supportive despite frequent meltdowns, emo episodes, etc.). help from my family, with whom i'm not so close with right now because of happenings in late 2009. my friends' help. my studiomates' help. perhaps professional help. and most of all, His help. because it's just not in my nature or nurture. but how many times is that which is not within my nature just what i need? many.

so.

take it easy.

after all, it's not all up to me anyway.

christmas photos

i know, this blog is sorely lacking photos. so here you go!


koreans love their calendars. i've already received two as "gifts."

for lunch, my mom made us a korean feast.

kimchi


kalbi


purple rice, yook gye jang (flank steak/bean sprout/root soup/stew), full moon seasonal ale

and bosintang for virility!




just kidding. but there was a crazy, living dog present.


oh, and as promised, the blair waldorf outfit. potatobro is apparently too busy entertaining his girlfriend, who is in town, to upload photos. i have not been able to get any better photos from him and his new D3000. both of us need faster lenses anyway. santa didn't listen this year. or we weren't well-behaved enough. oh well.


see bear and me all dressed up? if you think i look squishy and old in this photo, you should see the one that's taken with flash and clearer. outfit was cute. me in this pic...not so much.

that's it for now. maybe more photos to come soon as we plan on doing some cooking, baking, and entertaining this coming week...whee!

i'd rather be...

...swimming in le havre, france.









[all images from jean nouvel's website.]

on a completely unrelated note, the holidays went by fine--i survived the ones involving my own family, and the ones involving the bear's family and friends were a lot of fun. we ate a ton of good food, i had a mild case of food poisoning that went away in less than a day, and the bear prevented me from embarrassing myself in public by ordering my current favorite diet coke/red wine combo.

just one more family thing to survive on new year's day, and then i can hide out in our house until winter break is over.

oh, and i totally channeled blair waldorf for a fancier function we had to attend (conservative, well-fitted black dress, berry-colored opaque tights, a bejeweled headband, red lips), but i don't look so cute in the photos on my camera--kinda squishy or something. if my brother got any good ones, i'll have to post.

hope everyone had happy holidays.

and happy new year!

a couple holidays behind

remember the welcome pauses i mentioned way back when? as promised, here's the pumpkin-carving party i went to.


red + soxfan first sketched.


others [gramps] just dug right in.


heads down, carve away.


kydrich and me working on ours--we named it "fatty batty."
although he didn't turn out quite as cutely plump as we hoped.


fatty batty again.


red and her single, snaggle-toothed creation.


cannibalistic pumpkin.


gramps and his really ugly pumpkin.


we were on the eastside,
so some killer pumpkins got their appropriate teardrop tats.


thug life.


even scarier when lit.


nightmare before christmas-like.


half of us.


the other half of us.


pumpkin heads!

the end.