anybody out there?

so back in 2011, i was going to blog about costa rica. because yes, less than a month after we went to hawaii, we went to costa rica. we hadn't really traveled in awhile because of my school schedule, so we were binging after being deprived.

costa rica was so awesome! i was so excited to blog it!

and then 2012 happened. and now, for the first time in 2012, i have a moment to breathe. and blog again.

so. 2012.
the bear & i continued a house hunt we started late in 2011.
earlier than we wanted, somewhat against our wills.
see, we still hadn't decided where exactly we wanted to live,
and neither of us was totally smitten by our current city,
but were slowly coming around.
and our jobs tend to be on opposite ends of the earth, commute-wise.
but we weren't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

i couldn't find a job.
so i freelanced. barely.
i freaked out about not working.
and considered working at trader joe's.
then i found a 2-month contract job.
where i worked 60-120 hours/week.
oh, and we finally found a house right in the middle of that crazy contract job.
so we entered escrow.

in the middle of that contract job and escrow, 
my stepdad's cancer got REALLY bad.
like, terminal.
he refused any further treatment.
right after the contract job ended,
he passed away.
we dealt with some family drama around his funeral.
my baby brother *really* stepped up and showed us
what a great adult he's become,
with the help of his new wife,
in the middle of that all.

a week later, 
my grandmother passed away in korea.
so off my mom went 
to bury her mother
on the other side of the world.
shortly after burying her husband.
(oh, and this is the 2nd time my mom's been widowed in one lifetime. ugh.)
somewhere in all that mess, i interviewed for full-time jobs.

i found a full-time position.
i started that full-time position.
during a very hectic time
for that firm.
my freelance work also picked up.
when it rains,
it hurricanes.

we closed escrow on the house
somewhere between all of that.
we rented it back to the sellers for a bit.
we moved.

we had to help my mom 
make some hard, financial decisions.
especially regarding her current house.
and her next steps.
both living situation & career-wise.
that's all still up in the air,
but we can wait.

whew. so here we are. a little banged up, quite exhausted, but still alive and so blessed. i just hope 2012  will slow down a wee bit. i wouldn't mind a period of calm and little change for once. and some time to finally blog about costa rica.

letter writing campaign

dear exchange students,

i am so amazed by your english skillz. especially you europeans. i'd never be able to hang in a grad school abroad, especially not with the ridiculous jargon. but you do it and do it well. this program is pretty damn hard already even when going through it in my first language. props.

xoxo,
studiomate

p.s. but please try to skype somewhere that is not your desk. i sit pretty far away from you, and i can still hear you. i take my phone out to the hall when taking calls. i know a laptop is a little more cumbersome, but please.

/////

dear neighbors,

shut. up. we have asked you multiple times in person. we have called the cops on you many times. we understand you're young, inconsiderate, and entitled. we understand you don't understand that many people need to get up early to get to jobs because their parents do not pay their rent or mortgage. i also understand your strange practice hours as i am working on my second creative-ish degree. during the process of getting each, i have kept very strange hours. however, i make use of the studio space the schools provided me so as not to disturb my neighbors with any noise, light, or other disturbance i might cause late at night. i advise you find a freaking soundproof practice room at your school...or somewhere not in a quiet, residential subdivision with otherwise quiet neighbors who all seem to go to work early.

and if you just said to yourself, "i can't believe the neighbors are so crotchety," i laugh. don't worry, you'll be just as crotchety in 10 years. i never thought i would be like this, either.

xoxo,
your tired neighbor & her even tired-er husband

/////

dear professional degree candidates,

it's probably not wise
to borrow over 100k
to go to school
to enter a profession
in which you may never make six figures.

you will probably have major anxiety
during your exit interview
that happens to occur during thesis
during which you're already suffering
from major anxiety.

xoxo,
mm

p.s. i speak not from direct but adjacent experience.

/////

dear los angeles,

i love you. a lot. there are few others places in this country i would rather live. but why do you plot against so many married couples i know (including us) by giving them jobs at opposite ends of southern california? finding affordable housing without having to figure out who should commute how much is already difficult for a couple here. and we'll be even more miz in july when your 405 will be shut down for days. godspeed to us all that week.

xoxo,
angeleno

/////

dear tea,

you're my favorite. that is all.

love,
tea-soaked tater

2011: guts

i overthink everything. if it's simple, i'll find a way to complicate it. i'm very familiar with mr. analysis paralysis. he visits me all. the. time. especially in our world of 102938748347 choices. i love you internets, but i don't when you give me too many choices.

architecture school, especially the type i go to, aggravates this problem for people like me. what am i like? well, an instructor put it nicely when he said that i'm probably the most conscientious person at my school. meaning i'm super anal, detail-oriented, punctual, and worried about getting things right (even in a place where there often is no right, everyone definition of right differs, and wrong is often actually right...so depraved, i know ;) ).

do i make better decisions because of this? maybe in the everyday. i'm usually very happy with purchases i make, for example. but in everything else? probably not. i just stress more, stew more, and waste more time than the average person. so not worth it.

in the end, you never know how something will turn out until you decide, commit, do it. life never ends up the way i expect anyway, so it's all about just dealing with any and all consequences, expected or not, as they come.

so in 2011, guts.

_trust my guts. instinct. judgment. whatever you like to call it. and act on what they tell me.

_listen to my conscience. and obey. so help me God.

_listen to what moves me. even if it's trite or silly or outrageous. and make note of it. not necessarily analyze right away, but tuck it away for later reflection, and allow for it to simply be in my mind.

_have the guts to put it out there. this is so hard in any creative endeavor, because no matter how good a job you do at removing yourself from the work, you always feel like you're putting part of yourself out there for the world to pick apart. and you feel so vulnerable and naked. you'd think by now i have a really thick skin after an undergrad design degree and almost three years of arch school, but i seem to be regressing. i wasn't afraid of just putting anything out there/up on the wall for critique when i started grad school, but i've gotten more and more scared. which doesn't help me learn or grow at all.

_be decisive! be be decisive! most decisions will have both good and bad consequences anyway, so i'll trust my God-given judgment and life experience to guide me rather than hours and hours of analysis in my head, on paper, in conversation with anyone who'll listen, etc.

_man up and own the consequences. really own all of it.

_when the choice isn't so hot, be kind to myself. yeah, i feel old, but i'm really not that old and don't have *that* much life experience. i'll learn eventually, and this will teach me. when i make what turns out to be an awesome choice, give the guts some credit.

i hope my gutsiness is quite so...pink.

[image from last fall's thesis presentations]

this guy got REALLY close to me somewhere up the coast.

guts.

but his guts (and experience) probably told him i'd feed him.

wrong.

but at least i had no intention of hurting him, either.

right, there.

dressed up lobster guts!

(well, flesh, i guess. whatever, i dug it out from the shell.)

i know it'll be scary. hopefully it'll be just as rewarding as it is scary.

beyond banal

billboards ask me some very important questions on my way into school every morning.

last year's question:
"do you leak when you sneeze?"

this year's question:
"pain medication causing constipation?"

here we go again

school's back in session. i haven't been writing much because i was majorly mopey and having anxiety for the week or two leading up to this one. now that the majority of uncertain things has been determined (which studio critic i have, who my semester-long project partner will be, what my schedule will be like, where i will be sitting in studio, and other tons of details), i am finally excited for school to begin. this nerd is totally excited for the readings in our cultural studies class, excited to learn new software/tools, and our studio project sounds pretty fun, too.

this semester's going to be tough, but i think it will definitely stretch and grow all of us a lot. i have five required, for-credit classes totaling 18 units. then on top of that, there is another mandatory "seminar" (a three-hour lecture once a week) that i must attend...for no credit. there is one elective that i very much wanted to take and has to do with the possible direction of my thesis project, but i absolutely cannot fit it into my schedule (and don't want to pay the extra for being over the unit limit). it will not be offered again as it involves the city and grant money. ah well, i have some ideas to see if i can still get involved somehow or do something related later.

so. goals for this semester:
1. have fun. remember that despite all the hard work, long nights, and painful critiques, that i do really enjoy this deep down. and as someone once told skims, "love your projects, and they will love you back." work on that which really interests me, immerse myself in it, and have fun doing it. too often i get stressed about the work itself, so it's not rewarding until after the fact, and even then, only sometimes.
2. be more assertive. like the studio critics said to us today, this is the semester/year to define our voices and start contributing them to the discipline and community. not only do i want to develop this, i realize i need to be bolder about getting heard, seeking out opportunities that will help me grow and to which i can contribute toward, and going after what i want. i want to be less shy about approaching guest lecturers, faculty, instructors, other students and stand out in a good way. also, while it's true that most graduate programs only give you what you put in and proactively extract from them, it's especially true at our school. if i want it, i have to go after it and appear to be doing so.
3. balance. heh, this one is pretty impossible, but what the heck. i know myself better from last year and what kind of routine i need, so hopefully that will help me work smarter, be efficient, and keep things in perspective.

i've got another few days of relative calm while the school is in thesis-frenzy, so i'll sit back, help thesis students/watch their reviews, and get mentally ready to dive in full-speed ahead.

oh yeah, and my final weekend of freedom was fun and food-filled--the orange county international street fair for sausages (swiss and german), souvlaki, and really good teriyaki (gratis, no less), food/drink/guitar hero at a friend's island in orange county (no, they just live on it, they don't own it), and a one-year old's birthday party.

see you in december.

10 years ago

10 years ago, i was somewhat legal (cigarettes and voting, no alcohol or gambling).
10 years ago, i had just finished high school and was enjoying my summer immensely. swimming and tennis almost daily at vasey's parents' pad, beach time and bonfires at huntington beach with friends, relative freedom in my still-new civic.
10 years ago, i was getting ready to move to the opposite coast for college.
10 years ago, i was spiritually in a good place, because i was broken and uncertain about the future.
10 years ago, in some ways, i was more mature than i am today.
10 years ago, i was about to begin an amazing growth spurt. not physically, obviously.
10 years ago, i was getting used to the fact that my mom had married a grade A a-hole.
10 years ago, i was learning that being an adult means that you sometimes need to consider the impact of your actions/inaction and that you sometimes need to put the comfort and needs of those you love above your own. even if you were right. the right fact and making it known doesn't necessarily equal the right thing to do.
10 years ago, i was a socially awkward dork just starting to come out of my shell and learning how to love myself and be confident in myself.
10 years ago, i fell in love with a boy for the first time.

10 years ago today, the bear first initiated conversation with me.

10 years and one day ago, i saw him walk into the meeting late--the cutest guy at the conference for sure. he had the requisite spiky hair, baggy shorts, cool t-shirt, sk8er shoes, and eddie bauer backpack that all cool AZN boys back then rocked. 10 years and one day ago, he saw my name and address on the conference registration list before walking into the room in which he was the cutest. he thought, "cool! someone from my 'hood."

we didn't talk that night as he was busy as part of the young adult planning committee for this convocation for the "racial ethnic" people of our church denomination nationwide (sadly, like 5% of the denomination's membership). since it was the first day of the conference, there was a quick meeting and then rest/unpacking time for the rest of the night. i was with my friend A (of the A+K sisterly duo), and we were busy getting to know the other people around our age and exploring together.

so back to that first conversation. between scheduled meetings and activities, a few of us gathered in the game room of our hotel to just hang out. he approached me, saying he noticed i was from southern california, too. we played six degrees of asians-in-southern-california separation and found out we had a mutual acquaintance. he found out who my mom was and made the connection that she had worked with his parents on some regional, denominational things in the past. he had even spoken with her on the phone briefly--to ask who it was and then hand the phone over to his dad. then someone wanted to take a group picture. i gave the photographer my camera, too.


bear is center in the grey shirt.
i'm in front of him in the white tank.

after that conversation, we hung out together with the group as a whole. the group bonded pretty well over the course of that week, and i have some great memories of that sweaty time in orlando. the bear was quite the popular one and kept us all laughing. during that week, i noticed his sense of humor, his quick temper, his utter dedication to things that mattered to him that in turn revealed that temper, and how physically attractive he was to me. unfortunately, he seemed to be interested in another girl that week. she was more outgoing than i, so they talked more than the bear and i did. i would be lying if i said i wasn't a little bit jealous. i figured that the attraction was one-sided and to forget it in favor of friendship. after all, i was off to college, the pseudo-real world, and big things that were more important than boys.

on the last day of the conference, we compiled everyone's contact information. a few of us had AOL and added our screennames because we were just so young, tech-savvy, and hip (read: nerds) like that.

as soon as i got home, i logged onto AOL. yes, even then, i was already addicted to the internet. i hadn't checked my e-mail in over a week! OMG! my inbox was going to be flooded with hilarious and interesting forwards, memes, and even actual e-mail from my online and cool dorky real-life friends that had internet. i added my new friends' e-mail addresses to my address book and their screennames to my buddy list. as soon as i did, i saw the bear sign on.

we talked for hours that night. yes, on AOL. i literally LOLed more than i ever had in my history of chatting online to that point. at around 3 AM, we considered going to carrows to eat as both of us were starving. hey, it was the only thing open at that hour in our area. i vetoed the idea as my mom was pretty strict about me going out late at night, and i was a good sheltered kid. we instead made plans to have coffee sometime that coming week.

that was three weeks before i was heading cross-country for college. we saw each other about two to three times per week for those three weeks and quickly became very good friends. our first time "hanging out" (date) was at green burrito for dinner, then coffee and amazing conversation at starbucks. the conversation ranged from the hilarious to the serious. i even told him about my dad's death on that first date. we played tennis together. one day on my way home from a friend's, i randomly had the guts to drop by his place, so he, his friend, and i went to dinner together. we chatted online and on the phone almost every night for hours. for those three weeks and even longer, we lied to ourselves about being just good friends.

the night before i left for new york, he took me to santa monica. i had told him multiple times how much i was going to miss the beach and the warmth, so he made sure he took me before i left. when he dropped me off at home, he told me to wait--he had a gift for me. he knew that winnie the pooh was my favorite disney character from before i could say his name properly, and that i liked the classic pooh stuff better than the new. he got me a classic pooh address book and stationery set--so i could stay in touch with my friends at home better. so i could stay in touch with him better.

we told each other we'd miss each other. i promised i'd keep in touch, and besides, i'd have ethernet (high-speed internet! OMG! OMG!) in the dorms. i smiled. we hugged briefly but hard. then he vroomed off. no, he didn't drive off, he vroomed off. he had the loudest exhaust on his lowered civic, of course. i was going to miss feeling hotter than all import models in the world combined riding next to him in his fixed-up car, especially since he had taken the A/C out to make the car go faster. i slowly walked to the front door. the summer night was cool and crisp as desert nights tend to be, but my face wouldn't cool down and neither would the burning in my eyes.

my mom, potato bro, and i flew off to new york the next morning. we spent a week in an almost-abandoned ski resort on the shores of lake placid to have some family time before i was really off to school (yes it was totally creepy, but we survived without being murdered or haunted). i missed all of my friends at home dearly that week i was away from the internet and the phone, but i missed the one i had known the shortest time the most.

as soon as i got to school and had my phone and computer hooked up, the bear and i picked up our conversations where we had left off. except for that one, yet unspoken one neither of us had dared to broach--that despite how young we were and how brief our acquaintance was, we had both fallen in love.

9 years ago today, the bear came to my front door with a single red rose and asked me to be his girlfriend.* he told me he wanted to ask me on a special day. i had no idea what that special day was. he reminded me it was exactly one year since the first day we talked. he even wore the same shirt he had worn on that day. never mind we already had each others' hearts for a year already.





*we were still teens, k?!? give us a break!

random is one of my [many] middle names

i lied. no portraits yet. i have random stuff from today to post. and i did sort of do the next to the last assignment on my own, so i'll post some of those as they're not bad.

ok, so randomness for today...

1. i wish i had thought of this:

scanwiches!
HA!

2. i borrowed a co-worker's magazine at the school job today. it's actually really interesting--famous, creative people interviewing other famous, creative people. or sometimes journalists interviewing the famous, creative people.

random quotes i noted from the june/july 2009 issue of interview. sorry, no MLA- or APA-style citations as i didn't note volume number, page numbers, and all that jazz. some of them are bordering on cliché, but they were still inspiring to me today. too bad i'm still sitting on my butt surfting the internets this fine summer evening.

ann demeulemeester on starting her first line:

It's never been easy...I just thought, If I want to do something, let's do it. I had a lot of patience and went step-by-step...

...I believe that if you have something to say, then you just have to do it. Good work finds its way in whatever time you're in. If you want to start, then start, and don't find a million excuses not to. It's always a difficult time. When was it easy?

she and her interviewer, her musician-model muse dude jamie del moon, also spoke of the le corbusier house in antwerp that a seller pretty much gave to her and her husband when they were broke because of a dream. wtf? where's my free Modern masterpiece house?

after reading an interview of the screenwriters and watching the trailer, i want to see away we go. jim krasinski! plus the story sounds so sweet, and the background behind why and how the screenwriters wrote it (a married couple, while she was pregnant and they were locked in) is pretty sweet, too.



vendela vida, one of the writers:

With plays, they start at the last possible moment, and that's what I love about them. You just start with someone who walks into the room--something happens.

this is how i want my photos to look. like i caught someone or something at the last possible moment before it all changes or disappears.

stella mccartney:

I think it took me a little while to be true to myself as a designer, and in some ways I'm trying to do that. I have to choose things that come naturally to me. Whenever I challenge something too much or try too hard, it never quite works out.

so reassuring to "hear" someone this successful talk about what i'm struggling with and trying to discover at this life stage...and probably for the rest of my life.

another movie:
i want to see herb & dorothy. it's a megumi sasaki documentary on a postal clerk and librarian who collected art in their small 1-bedroom apartment. in 1992, when the works had appreciated to millions of dollars' worth, they donated it all to the national gallery of art in DC. "you don't have to be a rockefeller to collect art." nope, you just need to live modestly otherwise, not have kids, and have be greedy/have a passion for it.


it's playing at the landmark nuart this weekend. too bad my weekend is full. :(

that is all.

train to nowhere

these were taken for another photo assignment. the class is over now, but whatever, let me play catch up, will ya?

this assignment was to find an interesting place and "work it" as if telling a story or with a photojournalistic approach.

oh, and none of the photos are photoooooCHOPPED because that's just how we rolled for this class. the rest of the photos here.

hi my name is...

...dapotato, and i'm addicted to compressed air. except, it's not even really air at all. it's a bunch of fun chemicals that are compressed into aerosol fun. and no, i don't sniff it. i'm addicted to using it for:

1. it's intended use/dusting stuff off. used in conjunction with a microfiber cloth poised to catch all the crap it displaces from underneath your keyboard keys and other crevices, it's so good at getting rid of dusts, crumbs, crap.

2. as an accelerant for hot glue gun glue. if you shake the can and turn it upside down (exactly as the back of it says NOT to do), it shoots out all the fun chemicals inside in liquid form. this vapory liquid then acts as an accelerant for hot glue gun glue. VERY handy when building foamcore or acrylic/plexiglass models on limited time so you don't have to sit there holding each piece waiting for the glue to dry/harden/cool. or i suppose it would make certain arts and crafts projects quicker, too, but i haven't personally tried. just beware--don't shoot yourself with the chemicals. it BURNS/FREEZES skin kinda like dry ice but milder. it also makes the glue a bit more brittle and prone to cracking when dry.

YTFS!

the moving saga continues. i'll hopefully have more time to blog again once we're better settled. hopefully i'll be back with better topics than compressed air, too. this bit-by-bit-because-we're-not-moving-far strategy isn't quite efficient but kind of had to happen because of the bear's weird work schedule lately due to a move they're doing of their servers. yep, he's dealing with two moves at once. poor guy.

this past semester

here it is, in review.

i started by helping mold a mixture of concrete + styrofoam. i got to work a concrete mixer and a forklift. whee!

freckles patting it down.

me + dee loading the concrete mixer.


concrete + styrofoam poo pellets.


some of the finished product, abstracted.

the commute. i'm a safe driver. kind of.

much better than "WTF BBQ."


best phone number.


oh yum, brie.
i'm assuming they're talking about cheese.

LA Live continues to rise.

despite the lack of time, i found myself waiting quite a bit.

waited for reviews to finish
while looking at nightfall
through these windows quite a bit.


i wanted to punch this chick in the grin.
the dentist is not my friend.


i waited at many a drive thru.
this one at least had new, yummy temptations.
that i gave into.


for acrylic to be cut to size.
multiple times.
stared at this while waiting.


while others slept.
starring: the canadian-something guy (the grinning one)
and fuzzface (the sleeping one)

coveted:

a leica M8.


cute graffiti.


rockstar mishmish's high-bird model.
(we were supposed to build hybrid models. oops.)


sam nazarian's empire. kind of.
phillipe starck was supposed to show up with him.
didn't happen. would have been way more interesting.


a bracelet designed by the baby.
(it's a 1/2" thick piece of foamcore. creative, no?)
so much so that i presented my work while wearing it.


the best labradoodle. ever.

took some time away from school here and there. girl's gotta keep sane.

to eat melted birthday cake at a surprise party.

there was a taco guy there with more deliciousness.

to watch rockstar mishmish, well, rock out.


and DJ gramps on the 1s and 2s.


to watch the bear make a wall of fame.


or not. maybe next time?
maybe not. 'twas painful even watching him.

orochon means bravery, after all, per the menu.


thank goodness for beer.

and my bowl, which was very tasty.
although i prefer thicker noodles.

made some new friends.

blog friends, laser cutter.
laser cutter, blog friends.
i LOVE this thing.

a vietnamese catfish.

and the 7 courses of fish AND
8 courses of beef that preceded him.

and the 4 sauces (i was partial to the tamarind fish sauce).


the wrappers.
pre-moistening.

and...some engrish to finish this post off right. click to see full size/read.