TMI tuesday - TP edition

on the way back from consuming porksicles, i had to go to the bathroom. bad. let's just say i ate too much pork, topped it off with a medium pinkberry with 3 toppings, and was on antibiotics that were making my stomach a little weird anyway. i'll spare you the details of the pain, but i had to go. right when we were in south central. so i made the bear pull off the freeway. i know, perfect timing on my stomach's part.

apparently, all fast food restaurants in the area close at 10 and won't even sell you anything AT 10 or let you use their restrooms since they won't let you be you aren't a real, paying customer. we ended up at a shell station where some cops were taking a donut break. as soon as we parked, the cops pulled away. but of course. oh well. it was well lit, there were a lot of customers for some reason, and i had my strong bear to growl at any scary people for me. i'll leave out details here, too, and just say we got out of there safe and sound, feeling much better, and with an RC cola in the bear's thirsty paw.

after being home for a bit, the bear finally sauntered into the living room, where i had been stomach-down on the sofa watching TV for about 20 minutes. he started looking intently at my butt. i felt his gaze, and then i felt something tickly around my lower back. i spun around to see what the heck he was doing, and he pulled this out, which i promptly grabbed, screamed at in disgust when i realized what it was, and threw on the floor.

to back up a bit, the gas station bathroom didn't have seat covers. so i scrubbed the seat with a huge wad of TP, then laid down a few layers of TP to serve as a seat cover. yes, the situation was that dire. i never ever actually sit on a public toilet. i just squat. when i flushed, i made sure that all 5 of those seat cover trees went down. or so i thought.

that's right. i brought home a souvenir from the shell station. so gross and hilarious at the same time. neither of us could stop laughing. and the kicker--i had changed as soon as i got home into PJs, and the TP tail stayed neatly in its place. oh, and the bear was walking BEHIND me through the yard (albeit in the near dark) on the way back from the car, and neither of us had noticed.

one last image. my women's size 6 slipper next to my souvenir, for scale. unfolded and trailing down my back, it was one long piece.

now you must all think i'm obsessed with poo. not really, i just don't feel like blogging about what's really going on in my life right now as it involves biggish, potentially painful but ultimately very rewarding changes. i had a big disappointment last week regarding those plans, and so poo cupcakes and stories it is. for now. i'll get a little more serious and spill when the time's right. maybe.


  1. crying.

    gasping for air.

    crying again.

  2. I love poo stories. I am also mildly obsessed with poo. It's a wonderful bodily function.

  3. Gas station bathrooms make me shutter. This is why I think Britney Spears is courageous. Not crazy.

  4. Uh...take a look at your last four blog titles~ waiting, poo-cupcakes, porksicles, and now this? Somehow, I think I saw this one coming :) :)

  5. I am seriously LMFAO.

    You will never think of Shell the same way again.

  6. Somehow, I'm laughing at this story all over again.

  7. I had to re-read this story again. It still cracks me up.

  8. I feel like my life currently revolves around other people's poo stories

  9. Hahahahahahaha!!! Love this!

  10. bwahahahahahahahaha!



    you had an ass gasket stuck in your butt crack!!

  11. Good luck on your life changes, whatever they are.

  12. OMG. hilarious!!!!!!
    also i hope we can be of support to you during the biggish changes. I am thinking positive thoughts for you!

  13. too freaking funny!

    we had so much poo humor on our peru trip that it was just ridiculous. oh well, that's what you get when you travel to a foreign country where you can't drink the water and you're not as diligent about the food as you should be. let's just say we all had GI issues at one point in the trip. ha!


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